Bob's Blog: Trouble at the workplace

Posted by Ryan Loomis on

Friday, 17 January 2014

Trouble at the workplace

Greetings humans,
Life has taken on a certain tranquility of late. Todd, Bimble and I have settled into a comfortable routine at the new location, although I must say I feel that the lion's share of the work around here has been left to me alone. It would seem that I am the sole employee who has mastered any of the more noble of the martial arts. In particular, I have been internationally commended for my command of Feng Shui, whose complex principles are well beyond the grasp of my less than erudite companions. The sheer effort I am required to put into directing the positive flow of energy is quite fatiguing, and if my expression seems stern rest assured that is merely a look of intense concentration.
"There is a serious buildup of negative energy here. I got it."
Meanwhile, the training of my humans has been progressing at a dishearteningly slow pace. My continual efforts to curb their negative behaviours have been as frustrating as they are ineffective. Most recently, they have developed a serious problem with their use of internet and social media during office hours. I have attempted to lead by example, by avoiding such distractions and remaining alert for the customers who may, at any moment, come through our doors. I have so far had no luck with such passive methods and fear I may soon be forced to turn to a more militant approach. Clearly I am far too subtle and they have become spoiled as a result.
As I have yet to receive any monetary compensation for my labour, I have taken to the internet myself (after hours, of course) in search of potential alternative careers. Imagine my incredultiy when I happened to discover that Saint Mary's University has a fleshless neanderthal skeleton for a professor! His is called Bonesworth, and from what information I have been able to glean I have reason to believe that he has a tenured position! It was truly an inspiration to see a positive role-model who has taken on such a prominent role here in the HRM. For we the differently animate it is imperative to educate humanity that we are capable of positive and significant contributions to society. I find myself disheartened by the negative stereotypes which have been perpetuated by human media. I have been told of a long running television program which has even gone so far as to devote episodes to the combat of 'murderous mannequins', who (to add insult to injury) were played by humans in poor costumes. 
Stop and talk to them, you'll find they're quite nice, "Doctor."
But such is my lot in life. Sometimes I daydream about forming a union, or at the very least attempting to make contact with some of the other inanimate employees being exploited in stores around the city. Alas, I have yet to find any who have internet access.

Until next time, dear humans.



Share this post

← Older Post Newer Post →