News — BOB

Friday, 7 March 2014 - On the Path Greetings humans, I have been doing a lot of reading as of late, in an effort to expand my intellectual horizons and facilitate personal growth. While being armless has made turning the pages a challenge, I have managed to find a solution.             The beginning of my academics was on a material level, I have been reading the marketing advice of John Morgan, for he has some respectable ideas that I hope to incorporate at the workplace. He advocates a personal emphasis on the relationship between the vendor and the audience, as well...

Friday, 17 January 2014 Trouble at the workplace Greetings humans, Life has taken on a certain tranquility of late. Todd, Bimble and I have settled into a comfortable routine at the new location, although I must say I feel that the lion's share of the work around here has been left to me alone. It would seem that I am the sole employee who has mastered any of the more noble of the martial arts. In particular, I have been internationally commended for my command of Feng Shui, whose complex principles are well beyond the grasp of my less than...

Friday, 20 December 2013 A Letter to Santa Greetings humans,Todd has insisted that I record a list of demands and send them to an elderly gentleman who (for reasons I cannot fathom) has decided to build his domicile at the North pole. Perhaps he is a fugitive from justice, and wishes his location to remain secret. That would explain the leverage with which we are extorting him, and while as a general rule I avoid blackmailing the elderly, Todd is being annoyingly persistent.And so I must compromise my principles simply to shut her up.Dear Sir,I have this day been given...

Saturday, 23 November 2013 Grinch Dear humans,Todd was in a nauseatingly festive mood today. She arrived with lights, tinsel, and a bedraggled little Christmas tree in tow. The protests voiced by Bimble and myself that November is far too early to decorate fell on deaf ears.In consequence, the shop is now infected with holiday cheer. I can only pray that her search for a so called "Santa hat" for me remains fruitless.   Ever yours, dear humans, Bob.

Saturday, 23 November 2013 A Bitter Diatribe Dear humans,Of late I have felt that my contribution to the success of the shop has gone unnoticed. Our boss, the one I have decided to call Bimble, has not only refused to compensate me for long hours toiling as his customer service representative, but has ignored the value of the advice I am able to offer.My coworker, the one I call Todd, continues to position me in silly poses and ridiculous outfits, wounding my dignity beyond repair.To make matters worse, I was not invited to Hal-con, although Spirit Martial Arts made an...